May the people who have lost loved ones and need comfort, be blessed with
love in their lives, to comfort them and hold them close when times get tough.
May Gods love bless all your lives and keep you all safe.
And may Love and grace touch and bless the lives of those who come for
comfort and friendship.
Amen xxx moonchild xxx
Testament
"But how can I live without you?" she cried
I left all the world to you when I died.
Beauty of earth and air and sea;
leap of swallow or a tree;
Kiss of rain and winds embrace;
Passion of storm and winters face;
Touch of feather, flower and stone;
Chisselled line of branch or bone;
Flight of stars, nights caravan;
Song of crickets-and of man-
All these I put in my testament,
All these I bequeathed to you when I went.
"But how can I see them without your eyes or touch them without your hand"?
These too, these too I leave to you.
Dad
Today All the white petals fell from the rose My beautiful
rose. And all that was left of the strong stem Was an invisible spiral
aspiring heaven bound Umbilical Connecting the clay to beyond the
stars.
May 2005
Seasons of grief
My Daddy died amidst the bluebells and nettle greens And part of me has
died too A new season now. I walk at dusk Amidst the corn and the
poppies And I feel different but never better. I wonder how many summers
will pass Before my grief begins to flower And turn towards the
light. I wonder when I will feel life warm in my bones again Or if my
destiny lies in the snowy flake of winter With only a log fire to warm my
soul
July 05
Grief beyond belief
NO
Never
Never Ever
So so angry
So so painful
So so brutally raw
So so broken
So so sadly
So so slowly
So so hurting
Desperately
Crawling
Grasping
Clinging
Maybe
Questioningly
Unbelievably
Did I really just feel
Warm sunshine on my broken face
My body, my spirit, my spirituality, my magic?
May 07
Injustice of Miscarriage
Baby ripped from my mind as if
A murderer has snatched you and slammed shut the door.
Foetus melting drip by red drip
Like my faith full heart
My mouth contorted and sadness in concrete set
No words can free me from my burden
For my needs have not been met
C
r
y
And still I have a faith but it isn’t Gods faith. Its my faith and
its broken and damaged and trying desperately to mend.
Nov 06
A solitary peace
I like myself. I like my intentions. I have met myself when I am in a
raw state stripped away of all of life (other than survival)
I liked me, the core of me, what was left of me. When everything else was
stripped away.
When Sky almost died and meadow was seriously ill, I was stripped to within
the very depths of who I am. The most basic level of being. No faith (beyond
faith) (beyond hope).
Suspended. Levitating in a beyond desperate, beyond broken but somehow
buoyant existence of complete focus on the undistracted fully present living
pain of this immediate moment. The now.
And when my dearest dear daddy died and I was holding his hand and he
breathed from my world to the next, nothing about myself felt weak or frail or
wrong or bad, only good.
And I was left being half of what he had given me, half of what he had made
me. And I had loved with all of me who I had come from. Not just the person
carved out by a hard graft of a life. Not the sometimes tired person but all
of him the very core of him. His very essence. His very being.
And in these moments I found God.
Not perceiving me wrongly. Not misunderstanding me. not reacting to me. Not
changing me from what I am. Not causing me frustration. Not complicating me.
Not controlling me. Just simply letting me be.
I don’t always truly believe that we are truly 100 % us.
We are almost a by-product of situations and daily occurrences and our
mechanism for dealing with the daily interactions shapes us. Unfortunately
sometimes more than I would want it to.
After a difficult day of communication with blood relatives: my children
and my husband are forever forgiving, accepting, unnoticing, and
unconditionally loving, and there’s an easy acceptance and peace which we all
breath and live and feel.
And by the end of a difficult days communication with friends or non blood
people I feel like hiding in the deepest darkest depths of the moon and only
venturing out once in a blue.
Not when I am blue.
Ironically whilst typing and listening to radio 4, John O'Donohue was on
something understood, Night Night God Bless xxx Amber xxx
Dec 08
Separation from my first husband
Sinuous shadows Ghost of pearls that haunts my life Until it
bleeds dry I writhe in pain and hurt, mind flies Thwarted dreams
twisted Youth dies inside Entombed in my aged soul And I am still
young Though life began a long time ago This part has only just
begun Stinging my body Wringing my mind numb Belly knotted like a
wreath I grieve.
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